Toys R Us Time!
by Plain Berry
Summary: Team 7 decides to go to Toys R Us! What will happen? Why is Jiraiya here? Why is the Akatsuki here? Warning: If randomness and stupidness was a genre, it’ll be under here. Please review but no flames! Oneshot!


Toys "R" Us Time!

Summary: Team 7 decides to go to Toys R Us! What will happen? Why is Jiraiya here? Why is the Akatsuki here? Warning: If randomness and stupidness was a genre, it'll be under here. Please review but no flames!

A/N: …Well, I was looking though the Toys R Us big book and I decided to write this! I always writes one-shots so yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I just own this plot. I also don't own the toys mentioned in this story.

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"Kakashi-sensei, why are we going to Toys R Us?" Naruto asked.

Right now Team 7 had to go to Toys R Us. But the problem was that they didn't' know why.

"Because the new Dora the explorer magical castle is coming out today and I want to buy it for me… I mean my niece," Kakashi said, trying to cover up his love for Dora the explorer.

"Oh I watch that show every morning!" Sasuke said, getting excited.

"You watch Dora the Explorer?" Naruto laughed at Sasuke.

"Hey! Dora the Explorer is cool!" Sakura yelled at Naruto, but was only really saying that because Sasuke likes it. "And besides, you just don't like it because you don't understand Spanish!"

"…Spanish?" Naruto questioned, confused. "I thought the show taught little kids German not Spanish."

It was quiet for a while after Naruto said that. Probably because the three were thinking on how Naruto even knew the alphabet.

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In the Akatsuki headquarters, the Akatsuki were in the living room/kitchen doing regular stuff whenever they're not on missions. Sir leader was playing Candy land with Zetsu and Tobi. Hidan was doing some religion ritual that involved lots of fluffy stuff animals and a knife; Kisame was playing with his little mermaid shimmering lights Ariel. Sasori (A/N: Let's pretend he's alive) was playing with his finger puppets. Itachi and Deidara were painting their nails and doing their hair. The unnamed member with the blue hair/hat thing was washing the dishes so you still couldn't see who it was, and Kakuzu was… where was he?

"Guess what magazine came in!" Kakuzu exclaimed, opening the door to the outside to the living room/kitchen, with money signs replacing his eyes.

There he was… holding the Toys R Us Big Book magazine along with some other mail.

"My Teen Ninja magazine?" Itachi asked, sounding hopeful and like a dumb blonde teenager. "There's like this article on if blue nail polish is the new purple nail polish. It's so like scandalous."

"No," Kakuzu said, backing away from Itachi a bit.

"My Maternal Mom's magazine?" Sir leader asked.

"…No," Kakuzu said.

Everyone was giving Sir leader confused stares… but that was probably due to him only being a shadow while the light was on him… or the maternal mom thing. Sir leader just raised an eyes, or at least he would have if they could see his face.

"What? They have articles on craze psychopaths and gardening tips," Sir leader said.

"It's the Toys "R" Us Big Book Magazine!" Kakuzu said, as he was holding it next to him and his background got all pink and bubbly.

"How come you could afford a pink and bubbly background but I couldn't go to Sea World to see my best friend Shamoo?" Kisame asked.

"…Didn't Shamoo die?" Zetsu asked Sir leader.

"Yeah but Kisame is in denial," Sir leader said.

"I got the backgrounds on sale," Kakuzu answered to Kisame. "But there's going to be a lot of sales at Toys "R" Us!"

"…"

"…And they have sales on the Little Mermaid merchandise, Monopoly Here and Now, and Play Dough."

"Play dough!" Deidara exclaimed in happiness. She then grabbed Sasori. "Come on Sasori-Danna: Let's go, yeah!"

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"TOYS R US!" Naruto squealed like a little kid in toys r us. He ran over to the Bratz stuff, grabbed random stuff, and squealed like a little girl. "Bratz Ice Champions Rink!"

He then dropped the stuff and ran to the easy bake oven place and squealed like a girl again.

"An Easy Bake Oven! I always wanted one!" Naruto squealed.

"…Is he okay, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked her sensei, who (along with her and Sasuke) were just staring at Naruto doing the Ice champion rink and Easy Bake Oven things expect with different kinds of toys.

"Yes," Kakashi said lazily. "I'll be in the Dora the Explorer section."

"LOOKIE!" Naruto yelled, pointing at some section that was really pink. "BARBIES!"

It didn't even take Naruto a second from running over there. But as he did he saw… Jiraiya? …Playing with Barbies… that were naked?

"Hey Ero-sensei, what are you doing here?" Naruto asked, looking at Jiraiya, looking at the Barbie's upper chest and writing down something in a notepad. Naruto actually got why he was there. "Oh I get it, you weren't allowed in the bathhouse so you went to look at plastic figurines for your perverted books."

"It's not perverted books! Its X rated material!" Jiraiya protested. "And these Barbie dolls are just substitutes for the real girls."

Just then a blonde haired figure wearing black and some red passed by them. They couldn't really tell if it was a boy or girl, but it was Jiraiya thought it was a girl.

"And speaking of real girls," Jiraiya said, as he started to follow the blonde "girl".

"Where did Deidara go?" Sasori said, passing by Naruto and ignoring him.

"…Was that blonde girl Deidara, which is really a boy?" Naruto asked himself with a thinking face on.

"Attention all Toys R Us shoppers," the staff from somewhere said. "We're having a sell on Polly Pockets. Buy one get one free!"

"POLLY POCKETS!" Naruto squealed in glee as he forgot about his theory and ran to the Polly Pocket place.

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"Play Dough, Play Dough, I love-e my Play Dough," Deidara said in a high pitch sing songy tone as he was putting all the play dough that he could carry and putting it on his cart.

"Aw she sings," Jiraiya said, as he was writing down something in his notepad as was watching Deidara from behind.

Just then Deidara spun around and when he was done he had a toy karaoke machine.

"Play Dough, Play Dough. I love-e my play dough," Deidara sang again in his high pitch voice. But now singing it in the tune of Toy Land and started to prance around the aisle. "Play Dough is the thing for girls and for me! Play dough. Play Dough. You get away from my play dough. Get away before I kill with my bomb...ery. Play Dough. Play dough. Lookie at the play dough. I love my play as much as I love.."

"Deidara!" Sasori said, walking into the aisle, which was luckily not the aisle opening that Jiraiya was in.

"Sasori-danna! Yeah." Deidara yelled in the microphone in glee. "Did you like the way I sing, yeah?"

"You sounded like a girl, shut up," Sasori said sternly.

"Aw Sasori-danna, yeah," Deidara pouted. "You're a meanie, yeah."

"…She's a he?" Jiraiya said, shocked and looking o.O way. He then reread his paper on Deidara, which mentioned the word sexy and hot a lot.

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"Oh, a sale on those things that little kids can ride on or toy cars or whatever they're called," Sakura said to herself, sounding like the only sane one so far, as she walked to that aisle.

As she walked in she saw Tobi and Zetsu. Zetsu looked like he was eating something that looked like a worker at Toys "R" Us while Tobi was standing there.

"What are you doing here?" Sakura asked the two.

"Tobi is a good boy," Tobi said.

"Why do you keep on saying that?" Sakura asked Tobi.

"Tobi is a good boy," Tobi said again.

"Can you anything else?" Sakura asked, getting irritated.

"Tobi is a good boy."

"You're in the Akatsuki, you're not suppose to be a good boy," Hidan said, walking in the aisle.

Sakura looked at Hidan, then down at his cloak where there was no shirt.

"…Why don't you have a shirt on?" Sakura asked, trying hard to make it sound 'o.O' like because she was afraid that she might get killed by saying that by his scythe.

"Because Kakzu said it'll waste to much money," Hidan replied.

"Tobi is a good boy," Tobi said randomly.

"Stop saying that!" Sakura yelled in anger, as she hit Tobi on the head, which made him fall.

"Zetsu-sama," Tobi said dramatically, as he looked like he was trying to reach for something. "I think I see the light."

"…Tobi that's the light bulb."

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"Where's the Barbies," Sasuke muttered to himself, as he was walking around Toys "R" Us.

Of course he loved Barbie dolls, but since it would ruin his cool image, he never told anyone. He then stopped at a aisle that was pink and said 'Barbie aisle'.

"I don't think this is the aisle," Sasuke said, as he looked at it.

He then heard music from the aisle that sounded very Barbie like.

"Wait, yes it is!" Sasuke squealed, like a girl as he started to walk in to see… Itachi singing!

This was true. Itachi was singing with a pink karaoke machine while he was sashaying down the Barbie aisle.

"Be what you wanna be. B-A-R-B-I-E. Barbie" Itachi sang into his pink microphone (A/N: that song kept on annoying me whenever it went on). He then saw Sasuke and stop sashaying. "Little brother, what are you doing here?"

"To play with Barbie dolls," Sasuke said.

"Well, you can't," Itachi said. "Because you lack—"

"Hatred?" Sasuke guessed. "Power? Lucky Charms?"

"No," Itachi said. "You lack… (he spun around and when he went back to face Sasuke, he was dressed up in some pink halter top and a pink miniskirt while making some girly pose with his microphone) The singing skills!"

Sasuke then spun around and when he was done, he was wearing a pink mini dress and grabbed a microphone (that was connected to the karaoke that Itachi was singing in) in his hands.

"I'll show you!" Sasuke said.

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"Where the heck is the Dora the Explorer section?" Kakashi muttered to himself, as he walked around Toys "R" Us aimlessly.

He passed by The Little Mermaid section, where Kisame and Naruto were arguing about who has the most Little Mermaid stuff.

He passed by Kakuzu stealing some money from the Toys "R" Us cash register.

He passed by the unnamed Akatsuki leader, who was having a gift-wrapping tube fight with Sir Leader.

Until he was at the Dora the Explorer section.

"Finally," Kakashi smiled under his mask.

He then did what had never been done… he put his Icha Icha Paradise book down!

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"Well, I have the Little Mermaid Ariel Magical talking Kitchen set," Kisame said.

"I have the Little Mermaid Ariel Interactive Ocean Salon," Naruto replied back.

Right now Kisame and Naruto were still arguing about who has the most Little Mermaid stuff.

"Just admit it," Naruto said. "I have the most Little Mermaid stuff."

"Are you," Kisame said, grabbing a sword from the Star Wars section, which was actually next to the Little Mermaid section. "Challenging me?"

"Yes," Naruto said, groping something behind his back. "I am."

Naruto looked at what he grabbed and it was… a Bratz Talkin' Doll.

"Aw, man," Naruto said, doing an impression of Jake Long from The American Dragon: Jake Long, as he looked at the doll.

He quickly dropped it and ran away, which made Kisame run after him.

"Wait," Kisame said, as he stopped for a moment. He grabbed a Fisher-Prince I can Play Piano and started to play the Jaws theme song. "Okay now I can chase him."

And he did that while playing the Jaws theme song.

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"Okay, who ever wins will win a gift card from Forever Ninja 21," Tobi said.

Tobi was in front of Hidan, who was riding a Bob The Builder Scoop. Sakura was also facing him, and was riding a Pearl Power Wheels For Mustang. And Zetsu was also riding something too, it was Sakura's car but it was blue and looked more for boys.

Right now the three were going to see who's the fastest to win a gift card to Forever Ninja 21, which is like Forever 21 but ninja style. Whoever got to the cash register first then the person will win.

"One, two, three: Go!" Tobi said.

The three passed, or really ran over, Tobi going as fast as they can.

"Tobi, is a good boy…" Tobi said, sounding weak and stupid because he was on the ground with tire tracks on his mask and clothes.

"AHHH!" Naruto yelled, walked over Tobi, jumping in a Bratz Babyz Tuner Car and driving over Tobi, away from Kisame.

"At least I'm okay," Tobi muttered. He then started to here the Jaws theme song and before he could do anything else, Tobi was walked over by Kisame, who was carrying a Star Wars sword and his keyboard.

"I'm coming to get you!" Kisame yelled, as he jumped in a Power Wheels Barbie Jammin' Jeep and drove over Tobi.

"Oh no," Tobi said, getting up. "Those two might ruin Zetsu-sama's chances of wining…"

Tobi then tried got on a girls' Barbie Bike and started to pedal off… or tried to but it didn't have training wheels so he went to the Barbie Bike that did have training wheels and petal off.

"I'll save you Zetsu-sama!" Tobi yelled, even though he wasn't saving him.

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"Let's go Barbie Go. Let's Go Barbie Go," Sasuke and Itachi sang in their microphones.

And ironically with the let's go Barbie go were being sang, Sakura, Zetsu, and Hidan passed by them. Naruto also passed by them frantically and Kisame passed by them, still playing the Jaws theme on his keyboard and holding a Star Wars sword and saying 'Charge'. And lagging behind was Tobi, who kept on saying "I'll save you!"

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"I got all of the Dora the Explorer stuff," Kakashi squealed to himself, pushing a cart full of Dora the Explorer stuff as he was reading his Icha Icha Paradise.

And with a big whoosh by all the racing people and the ones that were chasing a person… and Tobi.

Kakashi uncovered eye went wide in shock. His Icha Icha Paradise was… GONE! And his hair was… UNDONE! But that wasn't the worst thing. The worst thing was his Dora the Explorer things were scattered on the floor and were broken… BROKEN!

His visible eye grew red with anger as his background was in flames to show he was angry.

"That's it," Kakashi said, clutching his fist.

Kakashi then went on his Toys "R" Us cart, grabbed a Fisher-Price ESPN Gro to Pro Basketball and used it as a oar while his Toys "R" Us as a ship.

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"Play Dough, yeah," Deidara squealed as he was pushing his cart full of Play dough, while Sasori was just following him.

"Don't you think two cart full of Play dough is enough?" Sasori asked, monotone.

"You could never have enough Play dough, yeah," Deidara said, smiling.

The two stopped suddenly, seeing Jiraiya on the floor, twitching.

"What's the matter with him, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"I don't know," Sasori said, kicking Jiraiya and seeing that he didn't move. "Let's just go."

"Okay, yeah!" Deidara said, smiling again.

As the two passed by, Kakuzu came the other way and saw Jiraiya one the floor. Kakuzu kicked Jiraiya and when he saw he wasn't moving, he grabbed Jiraiya's wallet and ran for it.

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"I am the champion! The mighty mighty champion!" Naruto sang horribly, as he was standing on his car and smiling like an idiot. Naruto then grabbed a First ACT PS Electric Guitar and started to play horribly. "I am the champion! The mighty mighty champion!"

"YOU IDIOT!" Sakura yelled at Naruto, while hitting him with a Fisher-Price Twin Time Dollhouse, which knocked him to the floor. "You weren't even in the race! You were running away from the blue skinned freak!"

"Hey!" Kisame interfered, offended that he was called a blue skinned freak.

"WHAT?!" Sakura yelled angrily, why grabbing a WWE The Cell Cage Match Ring.

"…Nothing," Kisame said, cowardly, backing away from Sakura.

"What's this?" Tobi asked, grabbing an orange book that he found in his basket on the bike. He then turned to some page and screamed like a five-year-old girl. "AAAHH!!! MY EYE! MY VIRGIN EYE! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

And with that Tobi, sank to the floor.

Kakuzu passed by again, grabbed Tobi's wallet, and ran for it.

"Who stole my Icha Icha Paradise?" Kakashi asked, with a evil tone.

"HE DID! HE DID!" Everyone shouted, pointing to Tobi.

"What?" Tobi asked, lifting his head up.

"Nobody. Steals. My. Icha. Icha. Paradise," Kakashi said evilly.

Kakashi then started to beat up Tobi so bad that a cloud of dust went around them so it wouldn't be shown.

"TOBI IS AAAAAA!!!!" Tobi yelled, can't even finish 'a good boy'.

"HELLO MY YOUTHFUL TOYS "R" US CUSTOMERS!" Rock Lee and Gai yelled, as they ran through the door.

"Is there any more Dora the Explorer stuff?" Ten-Ten asked, while looking at Neji, who was going in and out of the entrance door because he was amazed that it was automatic.

"No," Sakura answered. "Why didn't you come here sooner?"

"We ate lunch," Ten-Ten said.

"Really, where, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Costco," Neji said, still going in and out of the door. "They have a lot of free samples."

"…Who eats lunch at Costco?" Sasori asked.

"I do," Kakazu said, as he passed by again. "I also eat it for breakfast and dinner."

Everyone was silent for a while because they were wondering how can a guy live off free samples but the silence was soon interrupted by... Itachi and Sasuke, singing!

"Think Pink," Sasuke sang.

"If you're like no other girl," Itachi sang.

"Think pink!"

"And you will discover girl."

"Think pink!"

"It's you're favorite color girl."

"It's the color of the world," Sasuke sang. "Think pink!"

"If you're like a shining star."

"Think Pink!"

"Just to be who you are."

"Think pink!"

"You'll be going very far."

"Listen to me girl…"

"THINK PINK!" the two sang in unison.

And with that everybody needed therapy, which made it a good thing that the therapy center was right next to Toys "R" Us.

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A/N: End of story! Okay, I didn't know how to end it so I ended it like this. Hope you liked it! And I had to look up that Think Pink song on Youtube so it's probably wrong since I just typed down what I heard. And all of the stuff that I mentioned are from stuff from the Toys "R" Us Big Toy Book expect the play dough and the Star War Sword. So please review, but no flames. 


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